With only two weeks to go, I thought I would take a break from Christmas shopping to spread some festive cheer. Actually, I am exaggerating, I haven’t started shopping yet.
And given this mornings bank statement, I am not likely to be doing so in the foreseeable future.
Instead, we are all making each other presents. Very laudable but god, I am going to need all my acting skills on Christmas Day, when I open some of the unmitigated crap the kids are creating.
The children (needless to say) are coming out of this well. Small son is getting an Action Man war zone. If it was sold in Toys R Us, it would probably be called Action Man Command and Control, Search and Kill.
It is being made by husband and a friend (ex-special forces) so it has a certain, erm realism, that might not be found in a usual child’s toy. The (real) barbed wire is one element that I am not sure would satisfy trading standards. And, I am not convinced that the interrogation suite is ever so politically correct.
But, I am very impressed with the attention to detail. They have even got the bullet holes in the guard tower to scale...
So the kids are not going to suffer from our lack of cash. It is just myself I am feeling sorry for...
Last night was a particular low point. I was busy sewing sandbags (for Action Man rather than any localised flooding) when middle daughter asked me to help her, make the pin cushion she will be giving me.
I can see the funny side of this, but equally, roll on the day when we can afford some over-priced consumer tat (in other words, things I might actually want).
To cheer me up, older daughter found this.
Christmas Accidents -
3 Brits die each year using their tongues to test a nine-volt battery.
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by failing to remove the pins from new shirts.
58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers. (Does this mean they are carving the turkey with screwdrivers?)
31 Brits have died since 1996 watering their Christmas trees whilst the fairy lights were plugged in.
19 Brits have died in the last three years mistaking Christmas decorations for chocolate.
British hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year following cracker-pulling accidents.
543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last 2 years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Brits were injured last year involving out-of-control scalextric cars.
And my personal favourite -
18 Brits suffered serious burns in 2000 after trying on a new jumper, with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
But possibly the best of all...
In 2000, 8 Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls. These were incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.
If anyone has a French version, I would love to see it. In the meantime, I will wait for next years version which will no doubt mention A&E, children and barbed wire.