I don't know what it is about moving house, but it always seems to involve plumbing problems. I can't say that we were surprised; we always expected that a septic tank system that could cope with one old lady, would struggle with a family of five. But I really didn't expect the first few days in our new house, to solely revolve around poo.
On day two or three, Husband decided to try and find the drains before it rained again so that this time we could hopefully avoid being flooded. He did find the drains but also found the fosse. The first I heard of this was when he burst into the kitchen and said 'Call the fosse man. NOW. Or there will be shit everywhere.' Sure enough, when I popped my head round the backdoor, I found that liquid poo was about to bubble over the side of the extremely overladen fosse. And all this just yards from the kitchen table. Nice.
So the fosse man came and did a lot of head shaking and 'oh la la' ing. It took ages to empty and disinfect, far longer than normal. Which was relected in the far higher than normal bill.
Then the Husband discovered that the working loo in the bathroom, (which is actually a macerator for those of you who want even more information - so it makes funny random noises as it minces up your poo. This is especially nice as it is just off the kitchen and visible from the dining table), was not connected correctly to the fosse. Having just spent a vast amount of money on his fosse, he then banned the household from doing number two's in it, until such time as he could fix it. Then he went one further and told the girls and I, that we could wee in it but no paper was to be flushed down....
So we were effectively stuck with using the second loo. This is situated in an outbuilding off the kitchen and was only flushable with a bucket of water. The walls looked like something from Miss Havishams dining room and the collection of spiders and other insects would have put a zoo to shame. I pointed out that most courts would acquit me of manslaughter given the circumstances, so Husband toddled off to the nearest shop for a new loo - tout suite.
New loo was in faster than you could say septic tank and the walls were painted too in a variety of paint pot ends. So, you see one room of the house is finished already! There is one slight problem, if you shut the door and you are aged over ten, there is no space for your knees (granny must have been a midget?) but hey, whats a bit of claustrophobia when you have a fully flushing loo.....
