Yes folks, it’s that time of the year again….The season of goodwill towards all men, except of course, your French neighbours and their incessantly barking hunting dogs. So with another year gone by, just how “Frenchified” have you become? Are you clinging to your “Britishness” with increasing desperation? Are you still hoping to integrate or have you given up and gone native? Take our Christmas quiz and find out!
1. When do you put your Christmas decorations up?
A) Around the middle of December and they are always down by Twelfth night.
B) The entire house is covered with flashing lights and abseiling Santa’s hang from the first floor windows by December 1st. They are taken down at some point before Easter.
C) You’re still stabbing yourself on holly leaves for the home made door wreath but the hanging Santa has been up for some weeks now.
2. On Christmas Eve, you will be:
A) Putting out mince pies and sherry for Santa and sprinkling ‘reindeer food’ (oats) on the lawn.
B) Heading for the in-laws where there will be a sit down meal for 18 and praying that Uncle Louis won’t get his false teeth stuck in the buche again this year.
C) Having an apero with the neighbours at the “Chien et Canard”, before heading to the Carols by Candlelight service (in aid of a local cat charity) and returning to stuff the kids stockings.
3. Which of the following best describes your household on Christmas day?
A) Dad will be making smoked salmon and scrambled eggs (served with croissants - bien sur!), whilst Mum makes a special Christmas breakfast for all the pets, including the guinea pigs, before cooking Christmas lunch.
B) You’ll be trying to deal with your six year twin old nephews (their mother is sensibly still in bed) Jean-Philipe and Jean-Paul. They ate their combined body weight in chocolate the night before and are now using their new archery set to fire at your toddler. You are also worried about their older brother Jean-Marc who has been given a crossbow. And has disappeared.
C) Having stayed at the “Chien et Canard” a little too long (and missed most of the Carol service as a result), you then drank a bottle of champers whilst filling the stockings. As a result, the children are all complaining that ‘Father Christmas brought me the wrong things’, so you resort to a hair of the dog.
4. For Christmas day, you are going to eat:
A) Turkey and all the trimmings, followed by Christmas pudding, Christmas cake and a large box of Quality street. All of which will have been delivered by a UK shopping delivery service.
B) You are never going to eat again. Apart from the hangover, the volume of foie gras consumed the night before, means that you will need to chain smoke until mid-February to stand any chance of regaining your usual weight.
C) Oysters, a goose (organic of course) served with sprouts and roast parsnips. Followed by a buche au chocolat - which will turn out to be the single most disgusting thing you have ever eaten. Apart of course, from the Andouillette you were once served in a local restaurant, which looked exactly like a penis.
5. On Boxing day, you will be:
A) Going for a brisk walk, before coming home to turkey sandwiches.
B) Unchaining the three hunting dogs for their annual run. They will then (very sensibly) use the opportunity to stretch their legs properly and disappear until mid-February.
C) Plan to take the children to fly their new kites, realise the house is surrounded by men with shotguns and spend the afternoon on Facebook instead.
Mostly A’s - Either you haven’t been in France for very long or you are determined to retain your British spirit. Jolly well done you!
Mostly B’s - It sounds like you have gone native. There is no known cure for this, so you might as well embrace your inner Frog and sneer at the rest of the world.
Mostly C’s - You are making a valiant effort to integrate whilst retaining your national identity. Just make sure you don’t go too far and start taking Johnny Hallyday seriously.