Given the weather today, this post ought to be re-titled, "Tis the season to huddle by the fire and refuse to venture outside" - and whilst this is fine for the cats, who are doing just that, it won't help me finish my Christmas shopping.
This year I am, even by my disorganised standards, going for a new world record in Catharine Fails To Get Christmas Under Control. Not a single card has been written or sent, I'm missing various presents for various people and I haven't even thought about what we are going to eat.
I really do not want to have to go out looking for Christmas gifts on a Saturday when the shops will be full of people panic buying foie gras, reserving oysters and stockpiling their own body weight in traditional French Christmas food, but given the week ahead, needs must.
I am working on Monday, helping friends move house on Tuesday, have various meetings on Wednesday and doing the airport run on Thursday, this leaves me Friday. Christmas Eve is out in terms of shopping; due to yet another planning failure on my part. It is the small son's birthday and trailing round the shops is not his idea of birthday fun. His sister's birthday is on the 26th December so I should by now, have sourced cards, presents and birthday cakes. And of course, I haven't.
The only option is to scoot out this afternoon and belt round the local supermarket and hope that some of their idee cadeau stickers will inspire me. The stickers always crack me up. They seem to be applied completely randomly. You see them on toiletry gift sets, hairdryers and over-sized boxes of chocolates. That I get, but a net for your swimming pool? I would have thought that if you have a pool, you can probably afford to buy a net and besides, would you really want the leaves to build up until December when some kindly Aunt provided you with one? And how the hell would you gift wrap it?
Still, it could be worth buying a net or a broom, simply for the amusement value provided by watching the school kids who are inside the supermarket on 'wrapping' detail, struggling to gift wrap the thing. The kids are usually (allegedly) collecting money for their school trip. I know the kids who are 'wrapping' in our local store and the only trips they are interested in are of the hallucinogenic kind.
But gift wrapping in stores is a long-held French tradition and a great time saver. Unless you happen to be in the queue behind the lady who has bought multiple, fragile items and wants them all wrapped beautifully and separately. And you just want to pay and get out of there because your packet of A4 paper is not a cadeau. You just require it for your printer. Urgently.
It also makes your own attempts at wrapping look rubbish in comparison. And it makes buying wrapping paper very expensive. People do so little of their own wrapping that shops charge a premium for tiny rolls of paper. I thought I had struck lucky the other day when I found a 7m roll with a swirly gold pattern at a reasonable price. When I got it home I discovered that the swirly gold pattern only covered a tiny proportion of the roll. The rest was see through and it was actually designed for wrapping floral bouquets. As Max is getting Lego not lilies, this is a bit of an issue. Kind of spoils it when you can see your presents through the wrapping paper. And not really the kind of thing Santa would do.
So I'm going to go for it, brave the thunder and the hail, run to the shops, buy a random selection of bizarre items, get them wrapped by the surly adolescents, come home, pour myself an extremely large drink and refuse to panic about the Christmas Menu. Until at least the 23rd...
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
How was your morning?
Mine went something like this:
5.30 - alarm goes off. Feel slightly resentful, pissed off and like I haven't had quite enough sleep. No change there then.
5.35 - Get up, stagger downstairs, poke fire and go to let the puppy out.
Puppy decides that outside is dark and scary and thus it would be better if I went with her. Put wellies and coat on over pyjamas and stagger outside.
Puppy decides that it is still too dark and scary to do a wee unless I take her for a walk up the garden.
I decide that I need tea in order to do this so we return to the house. Puppy promptly wees on the floor.
5.45 - Have shower and realise that I look somewhat raddled. Hastily apply a good dollop of Ultra Lifting Serum. Emerge from bathroom and find puppy has nearly chewed through the 5 litre box of red that is on the bottom shelf. Remove wine box, milk cartons and two bottles of washing up liquid that are also on the bottom shelf. Place out of puppy's reach. Wash hands and smear face and neck with Daily Smoothing and Firming Creme.
6 am - Begin attempting to wake children.
6.05 - Continue attempting to wake children.
6.10 - Repeat at five minute intervals.
6.20 - Shout at children.
6.25 - Hear scrabbling, discover puppy is digging up floor and has got as far as the insulation. Cover up all evidence with six pack of fizzy water and decide to face the wrath of Mr. H later.
Apply Brightening Eye Cream to bags under eyes.
6.40 - Referee at breakfast table. Children arguing over who gets last croissant. Croissants had been bought as a treat in an attempt to be Nice Mummy. Resolve not to do so again, shout at children and me it clear that I am Bad, Evil Mummy.
6.50 - Take puppy outside for another wee whilst simultaneously massaging Instant Miracle Day Cream into face and neck, before locking self in bathroom and attempting to blow dry hair. Emerge when I hear yelling and assume that the croissant debate has become physical. Discover that the yelling is being done by Mr. H who has found the puppy chewing on the water pipe. Hastily erect barricade involving two metal boxes and a gas bottle in front of water pipe before puppy can continue and flood the house.
7am - Realise that hair has been left damp for too long and I now look like a spaniel who has been in the river. Give up on hair and instead apply Detoxing Tinted Moisturiser. Find a random tube of Calming and Soothing All Day Long cream. Am tempted to try it on toast.
7.05 - Yell at eldest and youngest children to put coats and shoes on.
7.10 - Leave house, insert children into car, collect neighbour's child, drop two off at the bus stop and take youngest to the garderie.
7.30 - Return home and mainline caffeine.
7.40 - Realise it is too wet for middle child to walk to bus stop so take her too.
7.45 - Go to work. Phew!
5.30 - alarm goes off. Feel slightly resentful, pissed off and like I haven't had quite enough sleep. No change there then.
5.35 - Get up, stagger downstairs, poke fire and go to let the puppy out.
Puppy decides that outside is dark and scary and thus it would be better if I went with her. Put wellies and coat on over pyjamas and stagger outside.
Puppy decides that it is still too dark and scary to do a wee unless I take her for a walk up the garden.
I decide that I need tea in order to do this so we return to the house. Puppy promptly wees on the floor.
5.45 - Have shower and realise that I look somewhat raddled. Hastily apply a good dollop of Ultra Lifting Serum. Emerge from bathroom and find puppy has nearly chewed through the 5 litre box of red that is on the bottom shelf. Remove wine box, milk cartons and two bottles of washing up liquid that are also on the bottom shelf. Place out of puppy's reach. Wash hands and smear face and neck with Daily Smoothing and Firming Creme.
6 am - Begin attempting to wake children.
6.05 - Continue attempting to wake children.
6.10 - Repeat at five minute intervals.
6.20 - Shout at children.
6.25 - Hear scrabbling, discover puppy is digging up floor and has got as far as the insulation. Cover up all evidence with six pack of fizzy water and decide to face the wrath of Mr. H later.
Apply Brightening Eye Cream to bags under eyes.
6.40 - Referee at breakfast table. Children arguing over who gets last croissant. Croissants had been bought as a treat in an attempt to be Nice Mummy. Resolve not to do so again, shout at children and me it clear that I am Bad, Evil Mummy.
6.50 - Take puppy outside for another wee whilst simultaneously massaging Instant Miracle Day Cream into face and neck, before locking self in bathroom and attempting to blow dry hair. Emerge when I hear yelling and assume that the croissant debate has become physical. Discover that the yelling is being done by Mr. H who has found the puppy chewing on the water pipe. Hastily erect barricade involving two metal boxes and a gas bottle in front of water pipe before puppy can continue and flood the house.
7am - Realise that hair has been left damp for too long and I now look like a spaniel who has been in the river. Give up on hair and instead apply Detoxing Tinted Moisturiser. Find a random tube of Calming and Soothing All Day Long cream. Am tempted to try it on toast.
7.05 - Yell at eldest and youngest children to put coats and shoes on.
7.10 - Leave house, insert children into car, collect neighbour's child, drop two off at the bus stop and take youngest to the garderie.
7.30 - Return home and mainline caffeine.
7.40 - Realise it is too wet for middle child to walk to bus stop so take her too.
7.45 - Go to work. Phew!
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